The past few weeks have been a whirlwind; one day blurring into the next as we try to get a moment to place our feet solidly on the ground.
Each time we think we have it under control, that we’ve thought off all the possible outcomes, something happens and the ground shifts again, leaving us scrambling to catch ourselves before we fall.
It’s not always successful.
Last week saw me collapse in a heap. I resigned from my job on Monday. It’s a job that I love and the sadness at leaving has been deep, but I’ve been offered the chance to take on a new exciting challenge and I couldn’t say no.
Tuesday saw me covered in snot, shaking with a fever and dropping Poss off to school in my PJ’s covered in a coat in the hope that nobody would notice. I did put on a bra. Surely that counts for something? It took me four days to feel human again.
We got a puppy, who seems to think that sleep can only occur when nestled between us in the bed. As if we didn’t have enough issues with sleep in this house. Sure, add a puppy to the mix.
During that time, we also lost a good man way too soon, too quickly, too early to the dreaded big C.
Shifting, changing, moving. The things we take for granted are swept away, leaving us trying to find that solid ground again. The things we think were for always, turns out they aren’t.
Petty things suddenly seem insignificant. My stress over resigning is not comparable to the stress his family is dealing with.
Sleep? I’ll catch it up. Some day. We’ve been this long without it, what’s a bit longer? Whatever.
We discuss shoes and I worry about what Poss will wear. 10 year olds don’t tend to have black dress shoes. Or tights. I worry about when in the next few days we’ll find time to purchase said shoes, between work and family.
Then we catch ourselves. It really doesn’t matter. Shoes. Seriously. Small problems. We’ll work it out.
I worry about seeing family I’ve fallen out with over the past few years at the funeral. Then I remember why we’ll be there and it seems ridiculous. Utterly selfish and ridiculous.
Dinner plans are askew and thank goodness for online groceries. Family is flying in, the kitchen is messy and the floors are dirty. Homework is a low priority, read nonexistent, and I’ve fallen behind on the washing. Does it matter? Probably not.
We’ve got cuddles, cups of tea, a warm house and promises from Poss that she’ll love us to the moon and back. That’s enough.
Next week brings travel for me, a long anticipated school camp for Poss and Husband will be on Poppy duty. Juggling and likely, dropping some balls. Feeling the impacts of all these changes in Poss’ routine. Another week of trying to find our feet, not always succeeding.
Yet that’s ok. Life is full to bursting and for that alone, I’m grateful.