Googling and finding nothing…

It’s almost two years since we first went to our paediatrician. It will be two years next week.

It will also be two years next week since my Nan died. On Mothers Day in fact. The two things will be forever linked in my mind, because as we tried to swallow the massive shift in our families fabric and find our way through, my nan was slipping away from us.

Calls were made to Poss’ school from the Intensive Care department. Yes, the paediatrician thinks Aspergers. Calls were made to family. Yes, we think it’s nearly time, come now. We cried hot bitter tears and I still don’t know what tears were for who.

So during that time, I did what I do. I googled, I looked online for answers. While we sat long late nights, sipping Chai lattes in the hospital, we spoke about the future for Poss and googled. Searching. Not finding what we needed to know. We felt incredibly alone and frightened for what would come next.

Two years later I know more. I am more confident now about Poss’ future, that initial grief has lifted. Nan has gone and life has continued on much as before, but with one less voice. At this time of year it digs in sharply, hurting more, but honestly, I still don’t know who the tears are for.

I know where to look now though. There is no more googling and finding nothing. I’ve found my community, my people. They understand, they have walked the road we have been down. They might not be able to help me with my tears for Nan, but they have cried those tears for Poss themselves, for their own children.

The tears will still come, but we are no longer alone. Nan probably wouldn’t have understood, but I like to think she would be proud.

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  1. I would just very much like to be hugging you right now xo
    Suz recently posted..Can you tell which one of these kids has autism?My Profile

  2. I’m with Suz, so will have to give you a big hug later. As cliche as it is, time will heal the wounds – both of them, all of them… xx
    Kate Sins recently posted..Why I’ll never wish you ‘good luck’My Profile

  3. Meredith Kain says:

    Good work girls. I love it when community works!!

  4. After nearly 5 years I can honestly say I’m still learning everyday. Here’s to other’s finding your haven corner of the www at a time they need that support most!
    Thank you! recently posted..Our house…My Profile

  5. Such a wonderful idea. You all should be incredibly proud.
    Carli (@tinysavages) recently posted..The Village is MissingMy Profile

    • Thanks Carli! Kate is a pretty incredible lady, in fact they all are – I am very fortunate to be a part of it!

  6. So proud of you for reaching out with your community to help others… and so going to give you a big cuddle when we next see each other. xx
    Natalie recently posted..Beautiful UglyMy Profile

  7. Such a great initiative. I have no doubt it will be a success and a haven for other parents, as well as for parents with new disgnoses. Well Done Ladies.
    Nat – Muddy Farmwife recently posted..Love a Good ChallengeMy Profile

  8. What I’m finding is there are so many of us out there. Thanks to the five of you for making it easier for us all to access information, support and most importantly acceptance. xo
    Maid in Australia recently posted..March Digital Blog CarnivalMy Profile


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