New beginnings

new beginnings

When Poss was a toddler, a blond little terror, we went along to a local school for their fair. We thought it would be a nice afternoon out, we didn’t realise it would be the start of her school journey. But there you go. Sometimes things happen that way.

We walked through the grounds and spoke to parents already at the school. I fell a little in love with the uniforms, the facilities and more importantly the community feel that the school had. I dreamt of a school for life, a family of sorts surrounding her as she grew, stepping in a little for the fact she’s an only child.

We had an appointment with the principal within a month of that fair and Poss’ name was put on the list.

It was a big call for us. Private school meant fees we hadn’t really anticipated and the decision for all girls bought criticism from peers and much questioning from family, even though both my sister and I both had all girls educations in high school. In fact I seem to recall my sister spitting “bourgeois” at me one night over dinner, as though there couldn’t be a bigger insult.

Regardless, we went ahead and just before her 5th birthday Poss started prep.

It’s been over three years now, in fact it’s going on four. During that time, Poss has been diagnosed and through that, we’ve seen the best and the very worst of people. Even still our commitment to the school, and theirs to us, stayed strong and we worked with them to find a firm footing for our little girl to plant her feet in and grow.

But now it seems, she wants to leave.

And when we look at some of the behaviours she has been displaying, there’s no longer a way for us to look past the fact that it may be situational. The dynamics of her class have changed, perhaps irrevocably and she can recognise that. Maybe more than we give her credit for.

The light in her eyes has been fading. She doesn’t want to smile anymore. She says she doesn’t like herself. Her medications have been increased, her circle of specialists has expanded to try and cope with the changes in her. We are running along behind, trying to predict what might happen next, which thing we need to protect her from, but she’s so far out in front we are losing sight of her.

Her specialists are supporting her decision. It’s me that’s lagging behind. As always. I feel like we’ve made a commitment. A school for life. I feel like we’ve been through so much to start again somewhere else. The old ‘better the devil you know’ phrase is being whispered in my ear.

But it’s not about me. It’s about my little girl. It’s about what’s right for her.

New beginnings and a chance to make it right. A chance for us to bring our little girl back and find the light in her eyes again.

So the search for a new school has begun.

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  1. Good Luck with your hunt for a school that suits Poss’ needs and your needs.
    Change can be hard, but it’s not always bad xx
    leah recently posted..the post i have been meaning to writeMy Profile

  2. Workingwomenaus says:

    Changes are hard. Hard. However, if this brings back the light in her eyes, it will all be worth it xx

  3. I think the decision has been made. Be part of the next choice though, your support will help make the next school (and community) just as great.
    Claireyhewitt recently posted..Every Picture tells a story. Sometimes cushions do too.My Profile

  4. You rock because you are willing to see what’s in her heart, recognize the need to evaluate and act on change. It’s a scary path and I hope it leads to lights on happiness for you all.
    Jules recently posted..Seeking AdventureMy Profile

  5. You don’t need me to tell you I understand so much of this. The light fading, the stifling of our girl, the slow but sure masking of the real soul inside… I think it’s not just brilliant the Poss has led the charge on this, it’s also your willingness (no matter how slow you are to catch up, as I have been!) to honour and accommodate the change she needs. You’re truly listening and at attention now. I like to think it may be that there are certain things to set on place for her so she may b in a position to cope with and adapt for the next new things in store for you as a family unit. Know hat I’m saying? Much love to you xox
    Kirrily recently posted..It’s a song thing: Digital LoveMy Profile

    • I do know what you are saying – and I have to tell you, your post not long ago is keeping me strong. Much love right back to you – and my thoughts will be with you tomorrow x
      Renee Bugg recently posted..New beginningsMy Profile

  6. Pls excuse my iPad typing! Gah!
    Kirrily recently posted..It’s a song thing: Digital LoveMy Profile

  7. We had a forever school. It went form child care to year 12. Our son was there from age 2. As was our daughter. We scrimped and saved and worked hard to afford it. Then our boy started to fade. His refusal to go was strong. We had meetings and strategies and sleepless nights. Then finally, we made the change. He was a new boy. The light was back. My heart, it hurt, but the decision was the best we made, for him, for us.
    Sometimes our kids know more than we do. The trick is to follow their lead.
    Here’s to new beginnings.
    Naomi recently posted..Sing-A-Long-A Sound of Music – You know you want to. (giveaway)My Profile

  8. The light in their eyes says so much and if your heart is listening their horizons will broaden, their future brighten, their soul be restored and enabled and so will yours. Nothing crushes a mother like her hurting child does. The answer for my daughter, almost eleven now, was homeschooling. Our one year anniversary is next week. The depth of her suffering at school cannot be minimized. I tried everything humanly possible to make school work for her. It didn’t and there was no way I could deny her right to be advantaged by the person who loved her the most, who would advocate and create wonderful learning opportunities for her like no other, me!

    The news is all good! The eyes say it all! The daily anger and frustration rarely materializes now, and we embrace a positive life of learning, loving and delighting together.

    Just another option to consider, with love xxx

    • Oh Lynn – it sounds like you guys have been through the wringer as well. We have considered home school, but we all agree that I am not equipped to do it justice. So school it is – now just to find the right one.

      Thank you though – I really do appreciate your comment xx
      Renee Bugg recently posted..New beginningsMy Profile

  9. Oh, that’s what it was? Oh dear..
    I was and still am surprised about the dynamics of state schools vs private schools in Oz. I have heard so much, also in context with special needs but never mind, this was YOUR and Poss’ experience.. I could also think, girls especially at that age can get…complicated with each other.. =( A new start can indeed change everything and I hope you find the support you need, both of you.
    I never saw any of the private schools as an option for us, and I did not get Memo into the smaller school in the next suburb, but in the end, after ALL the troubles, I feel things are on track. If you and Poss have an inverse development, yes, you need to take action. I wish you all the best with this part of the journey, lots of hugs x

    • Thanks so much Nikki – I hope you are right and that with the change we will find the support we need. So pleased to hear that you guys are on track, school can be so tricky…
      Thanks for the hugs lovely xx
      Renee Bugg recently posted..New beginningsMy Profile

  10. It’s so hard to make that leap into the unknown, we weren’t brave enough to do it back when we should have and now things are momentarily better so who knows what will happen. Good luck finding somewhere she can smile again.

    • I think it’s those momentary good spots that kept us there for as long as we were. There was a long stretch were we thought it was sorted – then sure enough, up the world goes, tossing us around and we are back where we started.

      I hope your good patch continues xx
      Renee Bugg recently posted..New beginningsMy Profile

  11. Good luck.
    Mandy recently posted..24/12My Profile

  12. Such a hard decision but hopefully it is the right one and will bring your girl joy again. Hugs to you all x
    Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..Musical Musings A to Z: R is for Robbie WilliamsMy Profile

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