Skipping ahead

skipping ahead

When I think of Poss as a grown woman I tend to skip the teenage years. I skip the awkward conversations, the late nights waiting for her to come home, the worry, the driving her around, then the fear as she drives herself around.

Instead I skip straight to her being a grown woman; in love, settled in a job she enjoys, maybe a grandkid or two if I’m lucky. I’d love to see her independent and living a life she’s proud of. These are the goals I have for her. Basic, simple and at the same time incredibly complex. No different to most parents I would imagine.

I know by skipping these things I am leaping over the building blocks. That these things make the foundations for that woman I want her to grow into. I know we have to have these conversations, move through these motions, learn these lessons and hope to god we survive it together.

She is a risk taking kid, she seeks danger and likes the thrill that comes with it, so when I do stop to linger and look at those years looming ahead of us, I am overcome with worry.

The statistics say that girls with special needs are more at risk of abuse, of rape, of being hurt. She trusts easy, is very literal and lacks the ability to foresee consequences. She wanders off and has no idea people might be missing her. She is drawn to the darker side of life, always dancing on the edges.

Some ‘experts’ talk of blaming the victim, of teaching our girls shame for their actions, of the dangers of drinking, or of needing to educate them against the terrors lurking on every corner. Others (imminently more sensible) talk of the need to reinforce ‘no means no’ and educate our children of the risks, while still encouraging them to be confident young adults.

I wonder what sort of social story protects against these things? Teaches these lessons? I wonder how to have these conversations with a child who doesn’t fully understand, nor does she entirely care? To date much of her learning has been through doing. She burnt her hand with a lighter; yet it took 3 times and 2 not insignificant fires in our house before she stopped. What happens when she needs to learn bigger, more dangerous lessons?

So instead, for now in my mind, I skip ahead; leaping over those years, the ones right in front of us, to the years where she is happy, grown up, settled and safe. Safe.

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Comments

  1. My goodness our two are similar…
    If we get there before you I’ll let you know,
    X x
    Hannah recently posted..Looney TunesMy Profile

  2. huh.. I actually just realized I rarely think or dream ahead like this. I think partly because my own life has turned out so completely different than I thought…
    I am pretty much taking steps as they come now, and am busy enough with handling my son’s life that way, too. There are a lot of things that worry me. He gets often loud and angry when he is upset, it’s generally not well received by the public.. He gets along much better with the girls because they are more accepting and less competitive than the boys – at the same time, I want him to understand their boundaries, too.
    And it’s so hard to find the right balance between wanting to protect them and giving them all the space they need to grow, also without us.. but, you know, if you could watch from a safe distance ..would be good! I am way more of a helicopter than I thought I’d be, but oddly, dreaming, thinking, worrying about the future is not part of it.
    But this is Australia, so let’s try “She’ll be fine..” ? – how does that sound for you ? =)
    nikki recently posted..sh*t autism parents do– autistic kids on youtube.My Profile

  3. I think it’s good to look ahead – kind of like a visualisation technique.
    Vanessa recently posted..Catch Your DreamsMy Profile

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