Some days I can do it, some days I can’t. It, of course, is just fitting it all in; work, being a parent of debatable quality, a wife of some sort and a somewhat badly behaved blogger. That means some days I write, sometimes I share others words and some days nothing comes out at all. Silence abounds on the blog, or over on my social channels.
I don’t worry about it any more. I used to worry. A lot. I used to look at my stats, tracking the numbers up and down each day, and feel that if I didn’t write and didn’t share, then it wasn’t worth my time at all. All or nothing.
I now know differently. My words are here for those that need them, when they need them. And my blog is here when I need it. When I need to empty my head of all the words that swirl around in there. The two can, and do, exist quite separately, yet intrinsically intertwined. Maybe not quite balance, but certainly closer to moderation.
When I’m asked how I fit it all in, as I often am, I joke and say that I don’t sleep much. Of course, no joke comes without a fragment of truth, and if this 100 day cough that I’m still fighting off at day 44 bajillion is anything to go by, I could probably sleep more.
But the real story is that I’m slowly learning what’s important to me and as I get older, I’m getting better at prioritising and saying no. Just no. Without excuses. It’s a scary word, but god, it’s life changing.
I take on travel for work, knowing that there will be things I miss out on a result of that. But I have a job that allows me to say no to them occasionally, and prioritise my family instead. Being there for Poss’ gymnastics competition or school dance; I can’t put a value on that.
And instead of trying to be a hero, taking on multiple school commitments, or heading out each night to blogging events, or making sure that Poss has play dates every single weekend, I’m ok to simply say no.
So far, this has resulted in less expectations on myself, on my family. Less expectations, means fewer disappointments in myself or for my family. Less commitments, more free unplanned time to just let the world unfold around us.
These might seem like small, insignificant things, but it means I can spend at least a few hours reading, writing and planning for the week ahead; catching up with dear friends, watching YouTube with Poss or chasing Poppy around the dog park.
And if none of that happens, if we just spend the weekend watching movies hiding under a doona, and alternating naps while Poss reads to us from her latest book, while my own words keep bouncing around in my head instead of being poured into the screen, that’s ok too.
Learning to let go and not beat myself up when I don’t blog for a week. Balance. Moderation. Or something like that.