So I wrote this post earlier this week and within a few hours of it going live, I received an email that made me cry fat ugly tears. So I thought it was only fair that I share it with you.
Thankfully the lovely Snoskred agreed with me and has allowed me to publish her words below…
- My not wanting to go to school was never about you. It was never a reflection on your parenting skills. It was totally about me and my human interaction cup being full.
- Maybe if I had been diagnosed with Aspergers back then, we might have found coping strategies that would have helped me handle this better. I might have been able to find signals that my cup was getting full the day before that might have helped us as a family plan ahead. I might have found good ways to unfill the cup which would have meant less days off from school for me.
- The fights we had every single time I couldn’t make myself go to school made my human interaction cup even more full, and made it take more time to empty. I could handle occasional bad interactions with the people who don’t matter, but when it was bad interactions with the people I love and trust, that made everything a lot more difficult for me. Not your fault, just how it was.
- I know you said I was lazy a lot, trying to find an explanation for what was happening. I’m not lazy. I would have happily gone to school/work every single day if I did not have to deal with the people.
- Maybe if we’d had a diagnosis, we could have decided on a different career path for me because sales and customer service was not the best idea, even though I was good at it and could act the part, acting a part for 8.5 hours a day was just too exhausting for me mentally.
- Had we known, maybe we would have changed the school arrangements so I didn’t have to interact with so many people, especially so many people I disliked. Changing schools in year 5 – when we had the big blowup and I got moved into a class full of people I did not know at all on the first day of school – probably would have helped me. But this is all said with the benefit of hindsight, and is quite pointless. Things were the way they were.
- I know you loved me and you wanted to help me. It is not your fault that I have Aspergers. It is not your fault we didn’t know I had it. We were all doing the best we could, and we need to build the bridge together and walk over it.
- I know that somewhere along the way in your lives you were told absences from school were a bad thing but the truth is, missing school did not stop me from learning all the things I needed to. Forcing me to go to school at times when I really could not handle it caused more problems than it solved for all of us.