Two steps forward, three steps back

two steps forward three steps back doctors

Yesterday was a day of doctors. Only two, but it felt like more. Maybe time goes slower in waiting rooms? Poss was less than impressed, declaring that from now on there was a ‘one doctor a day’ rule being implemented. I don’t blame her. If nothing else they are expensive way to spend a day.

First up was the paediatrician followed by a psychiatrist. Two doctors probing her body, my memory, her mind. The psychiatrist is new to our line up, a back up recommended by her psychologist, bought in for a second, or is it third or maybe fourth opinion. She seems nice, as far as these things go.

We were lucky to get the appointment, after being told initially we would have to wait until 2014. She had an appointment cancellation and as a favour to our paediatrician she slotted us in.

We covered the stories, the developmental history, the bits that make Poss, Poss. When did she walk? Talk? What was her birth like? Tell me about her early years? I am beginning to think we need to have a hand out we can just give to every new doctor and save ourselves all some time. They bill by the hour after all.

The last few months are the hardest to talk about; maybe because they are so fresh, or maybe because it’s all so new and raw and so stupidly removed from the child I see in my mind when I think of her. Who knows. She doesn’t like talking about it either.

So as the psychiatrist tiptoed through our past like a trespasser, Poss played with a bunch of magnets. Sticking them and unsticking them, rolling them on the floor and pretending she was a magician as they clicked themselves together and bounced away from each other. Answers came slowly and her focus had to be caught again and again as she slipped back into comfortable the world of the magnets.

The two doctors have decided the best way forward is to remove all medications for the time being. They’re concerned they are masking problems, or maybe even exacerbating them. They spoke of a base line, finding a normal to start the medication conversations from.

24 hours later and the first thing we’re noticing is that the echolalia is back. For hours tonight she sung the same line from the same song over and over again. Tapping her head, tapping her leg, again and again. They said she will bounce and then should level out. Time will tell I guess.

I know it’s all for the best. We know we have to do this. We trust our team and honestly, as hard as it is, we know we need these professionals guiding us through. I know all this. Of course. We just do what we have to do and know it’s for the greater good. Or something like that.

But I can’t shake the feeling that it’s two steps forward, three steps back. Again.

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  1. Here, counting the steps forward and back, xxx
    Caroline recently posted..Driving me crazyMy Profile

  2. Totally there too right now. Know the frustration. Hope it is all for good reason xxx
    Vanessa recently posted..Catch Your DreamsMy Profile

  3. So hard retracing the steps every time isn’t it? I wish for you all that the ‘snap back’ is only the initial stage that will level out over time, I really do.
    Twitchy recently posted..Weekend of Big ThingsMy Profile

  4. Sharron Redmond says:

    I trust my Psychiatrist more than nearly anyone else in my life that goes for those around me and doctors in general .Perhaps because he seems to know and understand medications more than anyone I have ever come across in my long time I have been taking them .He is honest and doesnt mince words but I would be without him after 15 years .I really do think you will be happy you went to see one even though the withdrawal of meds is certainly not going to be easy on you and your hubby and poor Poss . I have faith though that this might help her more . Sending you all much love xxxxxx

  5. Great minds, I was just going to begin writing a developmental history for our new psych, even a genogram!!
    Tedious having to regurgitate the same things over.
    I will be thinking of you over the coming days. Much love xx

  6. I got hubby (doctor) to help me write detailed account in medical speak that I give to each new dr or therapist. I found I couldn’t say it in front of daisy over and over again. It’s mostly what she can’t do and she is there listening every time! Plus I find it very hard to do without dissolving into tears.

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