A few simple words

“I know Autism, and this isn’t it”

And with those words, so set the course for the school year. A year of fear and anger. A year that Poss spent more of it under the table, than at it. More time standing outside the office, than inside the classroom.

“If she was just disciplined a bit more”

The words spat at us as though they were something ugly tasting in her mouth. And I suppose they were. They started a chain reaction; first the teacher, then the kids and then the parents. Because if the teacher says one kid is the naughty kid, others catch on soon enough.

It doesn’t take long before Poss became the kid that everyone blamed when something went wrong. When that happens time and time again, it’s easy to understand why a child begins to believe they actually are the naughty kid.

And the cracks begin to show in our little girl.

“I don’t have time for those reports, and I’m not interested in what you have to say”

The therapists called me in hushed tones to relay their conversations, to share their concerns. We’d sent them in to the classroom to try and help understand what was going on. Why was Poss so upset at the end of each day? Why was she crying herself to sleep? Why were we always being called to pick her up well before the school day was over?

Their best efforts were in vain. All suggestions and offers of help were brushed aside. Not needed, no time, not wanted, not necessary. Apparently.

“I’ve taught in the best boys schools in Melbourne.”

So she had. As she kept telling us over and over again. Her credentials were never in question, yet it didn’t stop her questioning everyone else’s.

Our paediatrician countered with the fact that she’d consulted in some of the best hospitals in Melbourne. And doubting the diagnosis, Poss’ diagnosis, was actually doubting her, as she’s the one who made it.

She looked down glasses, as they perched on the end of her nose, as she calmly explained this. Across the table from the teacher, her eyes steely but her mouth turned up slightly at the corners, as though she was slightly amused (or was it bemused) at the conversation unfolding in front of her.

“But girls don’t get Autism”

And there it was. Six months and a million tears later, and here we were. A diagnosis being doubted, a child being bullied, a family in distress, essentially all because of gender and a misinformed opinion.

Because of course girls have Autism. While there may not be as many of them as boys, and it may present differently, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

It’s like saying that just because you’ve always had milk chocolate, and it’s easier to find and appeals to more people’s tastebuds, that dark chocolate couldn’t possibly exist.

It was one of those moments, a rare one, when my words escaped me. Like a vacuum, they must have whooshed out when my jaw dropped open.

Thankfully there were others around the table that stepped in and shut it down. People with expensive degrees and years of experience in clinical settings. People who can use big, medical words with confidence, speaking a language that conveys certainty.

Girls do have Autism.

In fact, estimates put the rates of girls being diagnosed is about 1 in 189 of people diagnosed (although there’s a lot of talk about this being under-diagnosed). Or in other words it’s about four times less than boys. But they’re still diagnosed.

And does this lower rate of diagnosis make it any less real? The challenges any less pronounced? The achievements any less hard won? The people any less important, and their feelings any less valid?

Although we stuck it out for a few more years, the damage was done and we eventually left that school. That teacher still teaches, but not at that school. These things are not unrelated.

It’s taken literally years to put those pieces back together again, to rebuild the self-confidence and self-worth of our little girl. To convince her she’s not a naughty kid and in fact, she’s amazing, and worthy, and awesome.

And it all started with a few simple words.

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This story is why this year we’ll be hanging with the Yellow Ladybugs for World Autism Awareness Day. They are asking everyone to ‘Go Yellow’ on the day, to show support for girls on the Spectrum. 

#goyellow