It’s been a while. The blog has been lying dormant, and I’ve only been posting minimally on the socials. That’s not to say that writing hasn’t been on my mind. It always is. I find myself composing blog posts in the shower, in the car, while I’m listening to pod casts and walking the dog.
And it’s not because life has been boring. It really hasn’t been. We’ve had some big changes around here, and while it’s not easy, it’s probably long overdue.
It’s just because I’ve kind of lost the ability to put it all into writing. I’m not sure that I’ve found it again, but I won’t know if I don’t at least start trying.
So with that, it’s back to the drawing board. One of the reasons I started this little blog all those years ago (and it’s six years now) is that I needed a place to empty my head and make sense of my world as it flowed through my fingers and onto the screen.
I probably need that again now. Maybe more than ever.
I find myself staring at the screen, willing the words to come. How do you tell a story that isn’t yours? That’s bigger than you? That’s inherently about the people around you? For many, I guess they wouldn’t. I guess they’d shy away from trying to find a way to explain.
But then again, I’m central to the story. While it’s not just my story, it’s still my story. It will always be my story now. Part of the fibres of who I am. No longer a family of three, no longer married, no longer a wife. After 19 years, no longer someone else’s partner.
It’s been happening for some time. More time than I care to admit. But a while ago now, it became official, and not something any of us could pretend away anymore.
The way I describe myself has to change. And it goes beyond changing my surname. Beyond finding a way to comfortably say ‘single mum’. Beyond working out the logistics of houses, and custody, and finances.
I’m stumbling my way through it. Probably not always doing it right, but then again, they don’t provide you with a rule book for this stuff.
And to be honest, it’s not as sad or devastating as I’d always imagined it would be. I’m still breathing. I’m not broken. Life has gone on. Laughter, happiness and joy have surprised me in their brightness, their clarity and their frequency.
And that says to me, it’s the right thing. It’s been a long time coming. It was time.
It was time because you were ready. Ready to be strong, ready to be vulnerable, ready to be you. There will be challenges but you’re ready to write the next chapters. And, we’re here with you.
Amazing to see your words coming back.
*hugs*
Big hugs and love to you honey xox
vegeTARAian recently posted..The sights and snacks of Melaka
Pleased to see you writing again Renee, not so pleased that life has thrown all this at you, but you (and Poss) are strong women, and you will return from this. Love and hugs always.
Much love. Change is hard, but I’ve found that you always come out the other side stronger, happier, and much better off. I hope the journey to get there isn’t too long or too difficult.
Good on you Renee. The words will come, they are already. Sending you power and positive vibes as you start to craft this next chapter. xx
I noticed you hadn’t posted for a while. I am sorry and sad that you had to work through the ending of your relationship. I know how you are feeling as I went through the same thing several years ago. Strangely enough I could sense that you were struggling with something when I read your posts. I wish you good fortune as you move forward to your new phase of life. In your photo I see optimism mixed with traces of sadness and fear in your eyes. Its part of the journey, make sure that you give yourself space and time to breath. You will need that. Be kind to yourself, protect your soul but be prepared to open it when you know you should.
A perfect way to start a new chapter at aboutabugg.com
Cheering you from Queensland,
A x
Amanda @ Cooker and a looker recently posted..the most Aussie rocky road ever
Sending you lots of love.
When you figure out how to write the story that you are central to and protect the privacy of the others in that story please let me know.
Cheering you on from the Gong xoxo
You write so beautifully. Sometimes all there is to say is that I don’t know what to say. But know that you will have plenty to say. In your own time.